I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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