I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
