Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
