just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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