Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
