put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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