he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
