everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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