I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
