I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
