She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
