how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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