Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
