How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
