so that wasnt chicken after all
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
BRING THE BAGELS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
