She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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