tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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