no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
