So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
