i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize