Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
