I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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