The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
