I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
