My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
