It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
