He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do vagina's smell?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize