that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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