This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
