I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
