playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
