Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
