College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
