It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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