So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
