Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
