he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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