i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
