i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
