remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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