I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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