There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I want her autograph on my taint
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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