I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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