there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize