so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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