Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
