I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
cat food counts as protein by the way
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
