I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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