Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
