He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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