Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
