when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
