So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
