Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
