Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
