I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize