I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i believe in u and ur pee
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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