you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
