I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
