I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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