My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
