so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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