So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
