My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
