Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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