Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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