this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
