kristin has been a bad kristin
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
