after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
