She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
