It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
