Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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