playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
