Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize