They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
